Many years ago, back when I lived in New York City, I dated an ER doctor. At the time, I was working for one of the most absurdly demanding human beings I have ever met. It is no exaggeration that our dates were interrupted by more “emergencies” concerning footnotes and document revisions, than multi-vehicle car accidents or mass outbreaks of food poisoning. In fact, my job was so exacting that some of my boyfriend’s colleagues assumed I was a corporate lawyer with extensive on-call hours. I would have felt sheepish when it came out that I was publicist except that I never misrepresented what I did for a living or pretended that my work was all that important.
My job was not a life or death situation and I knew that. I also knew that my boyfriend’s was. And yet, he never acted like it – not outside the hospital, at least. I, on the other hand, treated every email like a live grenade. I didn’t want to, but that was the expectation. That was the organisational culture. My boss insisted that every project, every request, was an emergency and the rest of us felt compelled to go along with it. Since there didn’t seem to be a way to change it, I decided to learn how to live with it. One day, I asked my boyfriend: How do you deal with the stress of your job? How do manage real emergencies all day, every day and still come home less worked up than I do?
This is what he said:
“Most people who come in will get better no matter what I do. Some people will die no matter what I do. There are very few cases where it matters what I do. I only worry about those cases.”
That may not be the most comforting thing to hear from an emergency doctor, but I suspect it’s how a lot of them operate. What the model lacks in tact, it makes up for in honesty. Even in a sea of emergencies, only a select few are true priorities.
It’s also a pretty good assessment tool in general. Over the years, I’ve applied his logic to a lot of stressful situations:
Yes, I quit my job – but is that going to ruin my life?
Yes, I am lost in rural Madagascar – but will it kill me?
Yes, my investment accounts have taken a nosedive – but will they recover?
I didn’t expect this anecdote to be the best thing I took from the relationship, but it is. I think of him every time I repeat his words, either to myself or to others – which is to say, I think of him often and well.
As we head into the midterm elections, I can’t think of a better way to put this election in perspective. All elections matter, in the same way that every patient matters. But this is one we have to worry about. This is one we have to pay attention to. This is one we have to think about. If we play it wrong, there will be consequences. I believe, wholeheartedly, in the scientists who say we are doing irreparable harm to our planet and the advocates who claim that our civil and human rights are being systematically disassembled. As a person living abroad, I can tell you, anecdotally at least, that America’s reputation on the global scale has been severely tarnished. Our country is in triage and it’s a level 5.
Whatever your position – whether you agree with any of that or not – I hope you vote this Nov. 6. Here are some things to help you do it:
If you don’t know if you’re registered to vote:
Check your status here.
If you need to register to vote:
In many states, the deadline to register to vote for this election has already passed, though some allow same-day registrations or accept online applications throughout the end of the month. Check your state’s deadline here. Even if it’s passed, register now for next time.
If you don’t know where to go to vote:
Find your polling place here.
If you want to vote early:
Early voting periods vary by state. Check your state’s availability here.
If you need a ride to the polls:
Uber and Lyft are offering free rides to polling places. Find out more.
If you need an absentee ballot:
Absentee ballot deadlines vary by state. In many cases, it’s too late to vote by absentee ballot, but that’s not true across the board. Check your state’s deadline here. (Yes, this is how I vote.)
If you are denied at the polls:
Ask for a provisional ballot. Details on what to say and how it works here.
If you experience a problem at the polls:
Tell a poll worker or elected official immediately. If that person cannot or will not help resolve the issue, file a complaint with the DOJ here.
More FAQs answered here.
Let’s get pumped. This one matters.
I love that ending. Oh My, indeed.
Me too! I cannot wait until I have the chance to vote for Beto!
I’m just gonna go ahead and write that quote down on a piece of paper and tape it to my wall.
I vote by mail, so I’m sending my ballot out this weekend. Thank you for posting this, because it’s really, really important.
Yes, I love it too. Happy voting!!
I’m loving this — almost as much as I love voting! I’m so excited for the 6th, and I have a feeling that there’s going to be a good turn out this time. Here’s hoping that things turn out better as a result!