Back in 2018, I introduced you to Hank—the personification of my day job.
I called him Hank because that was the safest, most boring name I could think of without thinking too hard. Coincidentally, that summed up my relationship with Hank perfectly: I did the work, but barely. Just enough to earn my paycheck. It was an arrangement that I liked to call, “the fair minimum.”
For years now, Hank and I had a good thing going: I put in an honest day’s work and reacted to all his LinkedIn posts. In return, Hank paid me a bit more money than I was worth and pretended not to notice that I was living in Italy. It was a nice arrangement for both of us.
But about six months ago, something changed. Hank started palling around with a management consultant named Beverly. Hank and Beverly could not have been more different, but they really hit it off, as is often the case when the C-Suite hires a contractor to restructure your team.
Hank was always excitable, but now that Beverly was around he was downright manic. He came into every meeting hot stepping and high kicking, spouting some nonsense about how we needed to elevate “content” into “thought leadership”—this without the benefit of leadership or very much thought.
It was a whole new Hank: Blockchain was out. AI was in! Machine learning was like AI, but different, and what I needed to do is figure out how and, also, capture that in a tweet. One time, a few weeks after Beverly’s arrival, I received an email from Hank in the middle of the night that just said, “Read The Economist article about cars. Let’s get something like that on the website.” No further information was given.
I was tempted to write back, “Who is this?” Because it was not Hank, that was for sure. There was no way he was up in the middle of the night, thinking about cars and looking for answers in The Economist, of all places. Hank does not send after-hours cryptic emails with a hint of panic. If anything, he would save that for a weekly meeting, which would most likely be postponed four times, at which point the article would no longer be relevant.
I knew that this was not my Hank. This was Beverly. And even though I understood that Beverly was calling the shots from now on, I didn’t have the time or energy to play along. Besides, the article was behind a pay wall. I’ll be damned if I subscribe to The Economist for $55/quarter hours before someone is about to can me.
I can’t go into any of the details about what happened next, except to say that Beverly helped me “pack the car.” I wasn’t happy about that (at least not in that moment, which was back in October) but I also wasn’t all that upset either. Indignant, yes. Angry, somewhat. Even a little panicked those first few days. But that all passed pretty quickly. The more I thought about it, the more I realized: I want this. I asked for it. I knew it was going to happen and I didn’t try to save myself because I wanted it.
Don’t get me wrong, I still had a soft spot for Hank, with his impromptu yoga classes in the kitchen and mid-day phone calls where he described, in detail, his top ten TikToks of the week. But Beverly was running the show now and I didn’t want a part in it. I had given up on the idea of 24/7 availability and immediate responsiveness many years ago. I was done working above and beyond for something and someone that didn’t seem to recognize or appreciate that effort. I had checked out of that dynamic back in 2016 and I wasn’t about to reverse course now, for someone who repeatedly referred to me as Nora.
What’s more, I spent the last several years proving to myself that I didn’t need to. I flew around the world, and climbed mountains, and surfed waves and drove on the opposite side of the road and I made it through every day. I fucking killed it out there and I had no reason to think that I wouldn’t be able to figure out a way forward after this. I was done. I was ready to be done. I wanted to be done.
I think Beverly was surprised by that, which is interesting because Beverly is the type of person who knows everything already. But she didn’t know me. In the lead up to my departure, she asked, “But what are you going to do?!” the implication being that I would be lost without her and Hank.
I shrugged and said, “I’ll find a new job.”
That, by the way, was not my plan. But it was the option that I thought Beverly would understand most easily. She would not accept anything less than another 9-to-5 and a flashy name on my resume. She would not be persuaded on the merits of self-employment and all the perks that come along with it for someone who has little in the way of traditional responsibly but loads of unrealized ambition. Beverly would never grasp the value of taking time to write a book for free when I could instead write a blog post about cars for next-to-free.
And so with that, I close the chapter with Hank. No more day job. No more tech-world nonsense or consultancy speak. No more Germany. I’m on my own. I would love to tell you more, because the full story is infuriating and hilarious and, above all, entertaining, but I can’t. At least not right now. Beverly & Hank—Bank, if you will—made sure of that.
With all that said, I would be remiss not to thank Hank sincerely for all the amazing opportunities he’s given me these past few years. He let me see the world; He gave me the chance to me move to Europe; He granted me time and space and security while I figured myself out. I couldn’t have built this life I have today without him. In fact, I don’t know where I’d be if my path didn’t intersect with his. Sometimes I’m not even sure that I would have found my way out of that hole I was digging back in New York.
In a way, I feel bad for him. There’s no question that I’m a better, more well-rounded, more knowledgeable and experienced person today than the day we met. It’s a shame, really, that he isn’t able to keep me now that I’m actually worth something. But that’s on him. I thank Hank for all he gave me these past few years… and maybe even today for letting me go.
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Congrats, Nova! Hank was great, but now it’s time to move on. Who knows, perhaps Beverly was one of the best things that ever happened to you?
My hopes are up that we are going to get a book soon! Perhaps you could include some of the Hank-Beverly saga in it and call it “The Adventures of Nora”.
I am so happy for you and proud of you! I can appreciate the range of emotions that must have come with the end of Hank, but can’t wait to see how you crush it without him! Way to go Nora! 😉
THANK YOU! yes, there was a range of emotions, some good some bad. but what was really curious was that even though i was angry and surprised and incredulous and anxious, i didn’t shed a tear. i think that really says it all. overall, it was a good experience and i’m past due to move on. i have said many times that hank has actually been holding me back all these years… but he just made it so damn easy to stay. but, it’s a whole new day. and i’m looking forward to it. thanks for the vote of confidence! xx
EXACTLY. hank was awesome while he lasted but really, we should have parted ways a long time ago. we both knew that. and I do agree that beverly was the best thing to happen to me. i needed someone to finally push me out the door. and, not for nothing, but i wouldn’t want to stay in the room if beverly was there too. phew.
I am hoping to get that book in order. but as is usually the case during times of change, i am actually busier than ever. (I started a business, more to come.) Right now I’m trying to keep all the balls in the air, including this blog. We’ll see how I do.
xx
I’m so upset I didn’t have a giant bowl of popcorn to consume while reading this post because it was that thrilling to me. I am so excited for you.
aw. there is so much more i would love to say, but i am not really at liberty to discuss. but don’t worry… i am saving it for the book. as always thanks for reading :)
This is absolutely fantastic. You are so inspiring. So excited for your new adventure – you will rock it.
thank you!! a bigger better update to come in the next few weeks :) xx
Guest blog post from Hank re: his fave TikToks?? Just spitballing here. Brava for handling this like a champ, which is to say that you know your worth and didn’t get sucked into the anxiety vortex.
thank you so much!! i do know my worth and as you may recall, I’ve been working on my plan B for quite some time… which also helped stave off the anxiety vortex.
I’ll touch base with Hank re: the TikToks. I’ve heard he’s been busy laying off the entire web team this past week, so maybe it will need to wait until… Sprummer, as Hank would say.